Mastering the Coffee Maker: Part Deux
Assuming you now have an engineer's understanding of the coffee maker, it's time to tackle the coffee itself. In other words, it's time to grind the beans. Like learning to use an automatic coffee maker, this may sound simple, but this half of the equation requires a bit more finesse, experimentation and creative thinking, and will also vary according to taste. Do you like your coffee to have the kick of a racehorse and settle into sludge at the bottom of your cup? Or do you prefer a golden-edged concoction that gently nudges you into your day? Whichever it is, we'll give you the basics to try out a few different brews until you get the right one.
Before we get to the lesson, you might be wondering why we've chosen to go the extra mile of grinding beans in the first place. You may ask, "Why can't I scoop out pre-ground coffee and get the show on the road?" We've wondered the same thing. It would certainly be simpler and negate the need for this lesson. But would it be as fresh? As tasty? Would it give you a nice, long, deserved break from writing? Would it give you a process to get yourself lost in for a few minutes, an hour? Would it give you so many opportunities to bond with fellow Paragraph members over feelings of frustration and confusion of making coffee as the venting of such feelings in small communal areas often do? For all these reasons, and for one other—it's not really the beans but the grinder that's the problem—we're going to stick with the beans. On to the lesson, which begins with the torrid history of the Paragraph coffee grinders...
The $%^$&! grinder. Let's start with our current one— a generous donation from a Paragraph member who swept in to rescue us when both of our supposedly industrial-strength grinders managed to combust on the same day. Although we love the little donated Starbucks Barista blade grinder for its simplicity—one push of a button and the blades cut up the beans—we're not going to spend time going over it. 
Members seem to have caught on to it quickly, and it's most likely a temporary guest while we sort out replacement grinders. We will give it kudos, though, because it seems to have tempered the coffee frustration and hostility for the time being. One passing member gave it rave reviews and two literal thumbs up as he went back into the writing space with a happy cup of coffee in hand.
One of the grinders that (thankfully) went bust was a BUNN BCBG grinder, bought for its supposed ruggedness and durability, which the previous grinder, a Cuisinart purchased at Costco, did not have. The BUNN grinder arrived with the BUNN coffee maker and was the element of coffee making we believe pushed people over the edge. The BUNN grinder cost over $100 and was supposed to take a licking and keep on ticking. The BUNN grinder broke twice within three months. (The first broken one was replaced under the warranty.) To operate the BUNN grinder, you turned the knob from between one and 20 cups of coffee, which made it make a loud, long noise and deliver very little coffee grounds, even when you cranked it up to 20 cups. If you assumed you had just ground enough beans for 20 cups of coffee, you would have brewed dirty water with an aroma of coffee.
We finally figured out the proper ratio. If you grind 20 cups of coffee, you can make a half a pot of coffee or 24 ounces or half full plastic water pitcher. The secret was to completely disregard any common sense or instructions. Who could have guessed? We figured this out about a week before the BUNN died. And rather than post the correct formula, all we can say is rest in peace. We're trying to get our money back.
The grinder before the BUNN was a user-friendly little Cuisinart Supreme Grind burr mill grinder. It was half the price as the BUNN, got high ratings from Paragraph members for its ease of use, and, after months of use, refused to work unless it was cleaned daily. This is when we brought in the BUNN. We've decided to bring back the Cuisinart (a new one, not the broken one). This may not be the permanent solution, but if it gets us through a few months of happy coffee making, it will be worth it.
To use the Cuisinart, simply:
- Fill the hopper with fresh beans, which you can find in most cabinets and the freezer. Note: This grinder works best when the hopper is at least a quarter full.
- Turn the hopper to select the grind you prefer, f rom espresso to diner coffee, which is where taste and experimentation come in.
- Make sure the grind chamber (the thing in the picture filled with coffee grounds) is securely seated with the lid on.
- Slide the cup selector to the amount of cups you'd like to make, between four and 18. (See below for notes on recommended quantities.)
- Press START, a black button on top of the grind chamber, which is surprisingly hard to find.
- Wait ten to 30 seconds for beans to grind then resume talking.
- Dump grinds into filter-lined BUNN brew funnel.
- Show off your mastery of coffee machine.
In terms of quantity on the Cuisinart, there's not as much trickery as with the BUNN grinder, but you'll most likely want to experiment with ground quality and amounts to taste. If we come up with a good recommendation we'll post it here, and we encourage you to do the same.
Very important for our sanity: Do not remove the lid of the grounds cup when transferring grounds from the cup to the brew funnel. There's a small hole in the front of the grounds cup and if you use this to tap the grounds into the lined brew filter, you'll save our cleaning crew and us lots of daily cleanup. And if you'd like an in-depth look at the Cuisinart machine, here's the manual.
Meanwhile, we're talking to a coffee-obsessed coffee company in Princeton, NJ, and will continue to try to improve and simplify your coffee making experience. Until next time, happy coffee making!
